Family of Origin Issues

Did you grow up in a less-than-nurturing environment?

Or maybe it was blatantly abusive or neglectful. The people who cared for you sucked at it or, at the very least, had some blind spots or holes in their care for you.

Your family experience is the only “normal” you know, so sometimes it’s difficult to say whether something about how you were raised was harmful or just… normal.

There are some obvious, objectively damaging childhood experiences: beatings, homelessness, abandonment, sexual abuse. But outside of these scenarios, there is less objectivity. Things like a parent yelling and belittling you, being overly controlling, favoring a sibling, giving you more responsibility than you were ready for, experiences that were “less-than-nurturing.”

Here’s the thing: any memory that continues to cause you distress in the present is worthy of resolving.

Our early upbringing and family life shape who we are.

Whether your experience with your family of origin was positive or negative, the people in your early life matter. They’ve contributed to what you believe about yourself and your world.

If you were belittled, you might’ve developed the belief that you were stupid. If you were controlled, that you were incapable. Favored less than a sibling? Unlovable. Given too much responsibility? You learned you are supposed to be responsible for more than is appropriate.

Any less-than-nurturing circumstances in your upbringing can cause negative self-beliefs that hold you back in the present.

Over the years, you’ve learned to deal with these nagging pain points in many ways. You’ve found yourself in a slew of intense but shallow relationships. Your drinking is out of control and wreaking havoc in your professional life. Some days you don’t even want to get out of bed because it all feels so meaningless.

If your family didn’t have the skills to care for you effectively, you might believe that this has something to do with you and your worth.

But their inability to treat you as worthwhile is not the same thing…

… as you not being worthwhile.

I know it doesn’t help me say that because that’s how your mind has protected you for so long – by telling you it IS about you.

Your mind is attempting to prevent those painful experiences in the future.

If I was treated as worthless by my family, I better not enter other close relationships because I will probably get hurt again. They belittled me for speaking my mind as a child, so I will avoid putting my thoughts out there at work so that no one discovers I don’t know what I’m talking about.

But you don’t have to let your mind push you around with these negative messages. You can regain control.

Here’s how therapy can help…

First, with empathy, I’m going to listen to your story. When you put yourself out there, you will be heard, and your pain will matter.

We’ll examine the source of the beliefs and behaviors that have come out of those difficult family experiences. Through that process, you will gain the freedom to decide whether those beliefs you learned in early life serve your current life goals and values.

If we decide it is appropriate, we’ll then do EMDR therapy.

EMDR will let us go back into those painful memories and essentially re-live them in a healthier, safer context. By revisiting painful memories with total safety, your brain can reprocess them in a way that promotes your worth as a person. As a result, you feel worthy when you remember those events. And when you feel yourself to be worthwhile, it’s a lot easier to function healthily.

You’re ready to take back control

Your history and your mind no longer need to push you around. That voice in your head that tells you not to take the next step is getting in the way of healing. Let’s begin the process today. Call me, and I’ll answer your questions and guide you in your next steps.

Call today to set up your free 20-minute consultation: (423) 414-4047.